Strollers, Cribs and Water Slides

So the other night we went and looked at baby supplies. I'm not sure how I was talked into this since it still seems so far away but apparently we needed to go look. Clearly men and women go into this experience with a different perspective. Women are looking for those things that the baby needs from a caring and nurturing perspective. Men on the other hand, at least in my case go with the expectation of finding the best gadgets and gizmo's available.

Now I will admit I was pretty excited about the stroller thing. I'm not sure if I was envisioning myself getting a ride in it or what but I was looking forward to seeing what type of all terrain stroller type vehicle I could find. For those of you who watch "The Office" I was fully prepared to conduct Dwight's indestructible stroller test as seen here. Strollers are a segmented market in every sense of the word. Strollers with plastic wheels, air filled rubber tires, car seats, fold ups, flip downs you name it they've got it. In order to test these things out I attempt to pull one off the shelf only to discover a further feature included in most strollers...brakes. After wrestling it free much to the embarrassment of my wife I push the stroller down the aisle to see how well it rolls. I'm in awe of the smooth comfortable ride but quickly reprimanded for making a scene. Now this particular model was one that could double as a car seat and had the little plastic type wheels and I was very impressed. However being the savvy consumer I am I need to test out the "jogger strollers" because they just look impressive with those air filled rubber tires that could summit the Rockies in a single bound. I'm not sure why this appealed to me but clearly I envision my self as more of an outdoor enthusiast than I truly am. Again after a short wrestling match and a near spill of strollers all over the aisle I get the object of my desire off the shelf. Again I am amazed at the smoothness and handling of the stroller and am prepared to trade in my car for an opportunity to be pushed around in an adult sized version of one of these. Does this thing come with a spare?

On to the next stop cribs...or play pens...what the hell is the difference. I've got the entire middle of the store consumed by two entirely separate items that appear to serve the same purpose. I'm quickly informed that a play pen while an effective temporary sleeping quarter is hardly suitable for permanent inhabiting. This is further confirmed by a call to the mother in law. Back to the cribs it quickly becomes apparent that my child will soon have a better bedroom set than myself. A crib is essentially an enclosed fortress of comfort and safety. To go along with it there are dressers nicer than any goo goo ga ga kid could ever need. Finally to top it all off a changing table where we apparently cover a nice comfortable changing pad with expensive covers only to get little kid poop all over it. Now while I am not completely sold on the entire ensemble clearly many pay for these marvels of modern furniture making and I'm sure I will eventually find myself throwing a $900 crib in the garbage unless I can find a way to fit in it myself once my children outgrow it.

So let's see...cribs, check...strollers, check...now what else could there possibly be. Let's see there's bedding, mattresses, bottles, bibs, bags, pacifiers, diapers, car seats and my favorite of all...baby baths. These are like a sink sized swimming oasis for a baby. Now these things are supposed to fit in your sink and act as a tub for the infant. Most of these are pretty reasonable but like anything at this baby mecca you can certainly go overboard and I am fairly confident I even saw a baby tub with a water slide included.

Now two other items really hit home for me...the bottles...and the walkie talkie's to listen to the baby. Growing up I have often heard how much I cried and how colicky I was. This scares the hell out of me as I at this point require my sleep and more importantly my wife does. So when I saw bottles that prevent colic I was sold even though I have no idea what that is or why it happens I am prepared to spend top dollar to prevent it. The other item that amazed me, besides the strollers, was the baby monitoring devices. They actually have a video camera that you can have active on your television and even connected to your cell phone so you can monitor you child anywhere and everywhere. While I was amazed by this technological breakthrough I will be forced to say no thanks as that would clearly be overkill, especially considering my home does not come equipped with enough square footage to ever necessitate it.

Successfully informed on the ins and outs of baby stuff we departed and fortunately at this point have come away with only a parenting magazine to my name. I hate to think about the numerous return trips in my future but if I can take a ride in the stroller, I could be convinced to return.